


how it feels

by Dragoneisha



Category: Homestuck
Genre: M/M, Multi, Poetry, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-31
Updated: 2018-11-02
Packaged: 2019-08-11 06:18:02
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 2,333
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16470338
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Dragoneisha/pseuds/Dragoneisha
Summary: how it feels to love and hate.a look into a thousand heads. poetry anthology. happy halloween veet





	1. should you be scared?

**Author's Note:**

  * For [VeetVoojagig](https://archiveofourown.org/users/VeetVoojagig/gifts).



> hello darling, here's your present! happy halloween, i am you secret skeleton (secret santa is for weebs)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> davekat. a consideration of fear and what it means to not be afraid anymore.

you aren't scared with him.

you think you used to be, when you were small and broken and lonely  
when things started to spiral into a world no one wanted  
when it snapped into place and you needed it back  
but you don't remember that  
if only you did, oh, man, if only

but no one remembers.

that's okay.

the world is right now, so they say  
like you'd have it differently  
like anyone could make it anything but right when he's there  
tangled hair and thick-skulled head and thousand-odd words spilled out in stream  
you wouldn't have it any other way

and you don't have to.

you don't have to do a lot of things.

there's no more fighting when your boyfriend's there  
he may spit and shiver but he'd never raise a hand  
or a claw if you're to believe that's what it's called  
there's no ominous silence, nothing to hide from  
he wouldn't harm you one bit, not a hair

not a hair on your scared little head.

you're safe now.

he promises.


	2. what it means to meet again

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> alpha davejohn. this one got sad

he says hello to you, and you combust on the spot.  
you spill your corporate shill starbucks cup.  
he says you're a mess while he helps pick it up.  
you want to rot.

and that's how your first meeting goes.  
and then you meet again.  
and then you meet again.  
and then you meet again.  
it's not an accident, you see.  
he's into you, he has to be.  
you don't know why or really how  
but you feel like a fucking clown  
a man like him and a guy like you?  
you really don't know what to do.

he's a star, a fucking god  
even if he is a little odd  
a bucktoothed smile, a clever laugh  
leaving just cuts your heart in half,  
no half-assed jig or clever rap  
is getting you out of this trap.  
until we meet again.  
until we meet again.  
until we meet again.  
you go to all his shows.

is he an echo or just a memory?  
you hide him in your heart's treasury  
it beats and grinds and bumps in time  
you smile like it's gonna be fine.  
you're the one who really knows.  
when will we meet again.  
when will we meet again.  
when will we meet again.  
a gasp, a glimmer, a stolen kiss  
your partner beckons. you don't miss.

he's in your head, behind your ribs  
talking crazy talk like _cut of jib_ s  
old-timer speak. he's young at heart.  
getting attached is far from smart.  
you never had a chance, so why?  
if it's all the same, you had to try.  
but will we meet again.  
but will we meet again.  
but will we meet again.  
and so it goes.

will time stop? when you drop?  
when you fail, fucking flop?  
pop off the shot and reap your crop?  
after you rise to the top there's a long-ass drop like the heads youve lopped  
poppop?

 

and you don't.


	3. inherent to him

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> erikar. when you try to keep a guy in line because hes crazy, but hes hurt as much as anyone and you fall in love with him instead

something wild lives within him  
baring teeth and shedding skin  
writhing, tearing, open sin  
something wild lives within him

in his eyes burns brightest wrath  
scorching all within its path  
were he able, he would laugh  
in his eyes burns brightest wrath

from his fangs spit hate and steel  
brought from fear of something real  
like his will can make you kneel  
from his fangs spit hate and steel

angels die and ogres bow  
and yet no one quite knows how  
because he listens to you now  
angels die and ogres bow

softest touch can bring forth fear  
he will flinch when it draws near  
while you give a listening ear  
softest touch can bring forth fear

tame the beast with love and song  
let him listen all night long  
pick the standout in the throng  
tame the beast with love and song

idle gossip smooths his hackles  
honesty will break your shackles  
with quiet love your friendship spackles  
idle gossip smooths his hackles

his claws are sharp he keeps them tucked  
and from your chest your heart is plucked  
you know youre well and truly fucked  
his claws are sharp he keeps them tucked

he is afraid that he will hurt you  
if nothing else he wont desert you  
doesnt believe that he is worth you  
he is afraid that he will hurt you

something like him is born to kill  
subjugate thousands with his will  
hatched with devotion to do ill  
something like him is born to kill

you think by now that you know better  
no ancient world will be your vetter  
this monster is your table setter  
you think by now that you know better

he has some growing up to do  
hes not that special this is true  
and yet he means the world to you  
he has some growing up to do

no one can fix a broken troll  
just mend the breaks and let time roll  
one day for him the bell will toll  
no one can fix a broken troll

does he deserve a second chance  
you know youve seen this song and dance  
and death by wand and shaking lance  
does he deserve a second chance

in the end he earns that trust  
his old ideals left to rust  
and like alternia is dust  
in the end he earns that trust

something wild sleeps within him  
its presence shadows his own sin  
you keep it locked away within  
something wild sleeps within him

it is not gone nor could it be  
that everyone could clearly see  
it remains under lock and key  
it is not gone nor could it be


	4. what are you good for

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> brodad. a man with many faults cant relax, even around the man he loves.

youre not good with words

so you

just

keep your mouth shut  
hunch and hide it  
slip away now  
look inside it  
but yet again he catches up to you

he says just to say what you want to

youre not good with touch

that stuff

just

makes you nervous  
makes you angry  
makes you guilty  
play hanky panky  
somehow he still can calm you down

when he puts a kiss upon your crown

youre not good with love

you keep your distance  
keep an eye out  
he doesnt listen  
may as well shout  
if youre a million miles away

hed come to get you back, someday


	5. beta read you like a book

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> betas deal with johns depression.

sticking out like a sore   
thumb  
the pages to make your mind  
numb  
to the elements numb to the  
blade  
of grass in your fingers feel it   
fade   
to black and wait till morning  
light  
the way and make it  
bright  
sun beating down like a brothers  
strike  
a pose and make a   
face  
your demons once you  
wake

wake up

wake up john!!!

please wake up!!!!

youre  
awake   
and youre  
alone   
in the  
world   
is changing  
fast  
as a butterfly no bee  
stings  
to know that youre  
unwanted   
eyes still   
scrutinize   
your work and focus  
hard  
to know   
anything   
is possible  
once   
in a   
lifetime   
ago you had  
friends   
stick together and you are  
failing   
to notice  
who  
is who is who  
is   
it that obvious?

they help you   
breathe  
again you go back  
home   
is where the heart  
is  
he that bad how didnt you  
know

you   
love  
him

they love   
you  
you dummy :B


	6. numbers two through four

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> dipsiignless. psii loves them through their lives.

one and one and two and two   
and me and me and you and you  
i dont know why im feeling shy  
sitting under this starry sky

theres two of me and two of you  
matched evenly i know you do  
the best you can in talk and walk  
we run and cry and i taste chalk

thousand, thousands, hear you true  
from red and rust to jade and blue  
your love is pure i know that well  
now count me in and thatd be swell

olive and red see world anew  
and here i am dont have a clue  
will you have me huntress dear  
you can catch me ill be here

you keep us safe make monsters shoo  
you broke my shackles i owe you  
but im a liar cant break yours  
make ones and ones of twos and fours

one and one and zero too  
and me and me and one and two  
i dont know why i feel alone  
in empty sky my heart is stone

one and one and two and two  
and me and me and you and you  
a long time coming it is true  
when i come home can i love you


	7. what are you but a mirror of me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> eridirk. two flawed boys become men and find solace in each other... kind of

you are a god damn royal

all grace and poise and viciousness  
offer your ring they bow to kiss  
swirls of fabric, fucking choice  
stand up and make some goddamn noise

you are nowhere near royal

princely favor isnt for you  
make sure whats done is needed, too  
oil and grease, elbow and lube  
sit down and work you goddamn noob

you are a born destroyer

a blur in the sky astride your steed  
strike down as much as she will need  
crackling energy spinning your gun  
pick off quarry one by one

you are a self destroyer

work until your fingers bleed  
talk your ear off, impersonal creed  
splinter splinter torn for fun  
slash buzzing drones down one by one

you are a spectre of death

claws painted bloody new and old  
from brightest pink to dullest gold  
you are a killer that you know  
its not surprising when you go

you are a prisoner of death

it comes and goes a constant friend  
stick by and haunt you til the end  
you watch them die and drag them back  
and have yourself a heart attack

you are a loser and sad

long dead forgotten no one cares  
shes leading teams hes hawking wares  
you sit alone and feel your side  
no longer split (you want to hide)

you are so guilty its sad

he hides from you like youre the imp  
you feel like some pathetic wimp  
you close it off and deal alone  
and lounge on the gay fucking idiot throne

you are a grumpy voyeur

you watch the world that now has you  
it spins along as worlds will do  
you didnt ask to breathe again  
you find a wreck to hide within

you are a confused voyeur

finding somewhere to be alone  
you found a troll without a home  
holed up inside a rotting ship  
excuse your language but what the shit

you are a clueless young troll

you watch the sea and wander round  
deal with yourself - its hard, youve found  
a lonely troll will one day die  
you dont yet think the end is nigh

you are spying on this young troll

okay so maybe this is bad  
but its the best chance that youve had  
you watch him line his things on shelf  
and finally introduce yourself

you are defending yourself

a humans come to see your end  
youre not ready yet so you defend  
with fang and claw you drive him off  
you lack the energy to scoff

you are just blaming yourself

this was dumb, a clear mistake  
and what a gruesome one to make  
youve ruined it thats clear to see  
"youre gonna have to decapitate me"

you are no longer alone

the human thinks you dont see him  
you let him do it on a whim  
youll let this stranger sneak and hide  
(youre sure your shots would just go wide)

you are not leaving him alone

you see yourself in tired eyes  
in princes rags and hissing lies  
hes not okay hes never been  
and youve decided to make amends

you are falling into routine

he comes around you hiss and snarl  
you let him hide in knot and gnarl  
he shows up in a princes gear  
its not the stuff you want to hear

you are so sick of routine

hes stopped trying to scare you straight  
hes limp and listless (this you hate)  
you prod and poke he does not yield  
you just drag him further afield

you are a suffering soul

you cant stand lonely anymore  
you lock the windows pull the door  
you give him food demand he talk  
he says just not to make him walk

you are a splintering soul

not pulled apart but shattered through  
shrapnel goes up the chimney flue  
blows up the portholes in the wind  
he wants to talk to you again

you are as bitter as ever

you dislike being pulled from hive  
with your whole "thing" this does not "jive"  
he sticks by you all through the night  
and then you goad him into fight

you are just as shocked as ever

you dont know how youre fighting now  
this works for you but you wont bow  
hes strong and sharp but unpracticed  
you know youll win but the fact is -

you are not victorious

he kicked your ass and it was fun  
youd be up for another one  
he knocked your horn you bit his hand  
altogether that shit was grand

you are of course victorious

he seems delighted that hes hurt  
youre mostly mad hes ripped your shirt  
the bastards crazy through and through  
you really hope that hell kiss you

you are a life reignited

life opens up (it takes a while)  
nearly enough to make you smile  
you ask him nice and get your gun  
you make him race you have to run

you are a love reignited

your heart is yours and his as well  
youre just obsessed, thats fucking swell  
the days are short when you are here  
you feel alive you hold him dear

you are a troll in love

you kiss him when he holds your hand  
he cries on you youre not a fan  
hes just like you in better ways  
with him youll spend your dwindling days

you are a man in love

he kisses you you cry like a bitch  
the first years gone without a hitch  
with many hitches, okay, so  
youre gonna make him meet your bro

you are a mirror  
you are a mirror

you are a lover  
you are a lover

you are a prince


End file.
